NLP Gems – [6] You cannot not communicate

Human beings are constantly communicating. We are all tied into one another at some  social context. We are all tuned in to each other in one way or another. We are forever interpreting our experience of what’s there, whether it is through a look, or a word or two or our behaviour. We also interpret what is not there.

Say for example, you ask a question, and I remain silent and ignore you, even then some communication has taken place. Perhaps you might think “Oh, he’s deep in thought.” or “Hmmm, he never heard Me.” or “. . . . he doesn’t care about me or my questions. It’s almost like I’m not even here” or “dozy fool is probably asleep”. 🙂

Even if you abstain from speaking, you are communicating. Perhaps you decide not to attend a meeting, you are communicating –  even if it’s simply the fact that you are busy (or don’t care enough), you are communicating.

This presents you with a choice of intended observations and judgements. Ask yourself at  any time, what it is you wish to communicate?  What message are you sending right now?

Take charge of what, when and how you communicate, or you could well be misunderstood or misinterpreted. By not communicating with intent and focus, you leave yourself completely open to other people’s assumptions. Beware of assumptions, others may not understand what might be obvious. Reading body language is most often fraught with error, even the “experts” often misread cues. Have you ever noticed how “body language” experts only ever discuss being right, just after the fact.

Trust, is a powerful driver in the communication equation. If you work or live with anyone  who understands your intentions, knows that you are accountable and feels at ease with you as a colleague or team member, the assumptions about you communicate as positive. Should these same people have therapy issues or if they are insecure about themselves or you, they will read into your behaviour that which serves their own best interests. (remember NLP Gems – [5] Behind every behaviour there is a positive intention.)  Even when rapport and trust is established with anyone, it is best to state your intent and position and clarify your motives.

Be clear on how you to teach anyone how to treat you, by setting clear lines of communication.

Good proactive communication, can avoid mistaken or misguided assumptions on the part of others.


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